is it ever enough?

I feel stranded. I feel as if it's not enough..right now..this. I want this, what I'm doing, but I feel as though it's a pointless waste of time, a distraction, a reason for not doing what I should be doing, what I want to be doing.

I can't handle watching,seeing,hearing things I like too much. I feel as if I can't appreciate it enough, like my senses aren't enough..like I'm not enough and like I can't ever create something that's equally good, something that is enough. I feel like I can't get there, I don't want to start because I'm afraid to fail at the things closest to my heart.

My heart breaks everytime I see,watch,hear anything about tokyo. it's just too much. I wont ever understand tokyo, what happened there, I wont ever get over it. it's just too much. and it's beautiful. it's all so beautiful. how empty it is. how dingy. it's upside down.

I think one of the biggest problem I have with tokyo, why I won't get over it, is that it's such a big part of me and it wont ever belong to me. I can't grasp it. I need to go back. alone. healthy.